Well I'm back again after a harrowing few days reading the appalling Bloodline of the Holy Grail by the late Laurence Gardner. The full review will appear in a future blog, but to restore my soul I'm talking about something much more interesting. Because even if you're currently jaded about love and bored of sex, it's fair to say we all love having opinions about them!
Ok, let's get started by pondering a basic difference between women and men. No this isn't 'Men are from Mars' and yes we have more in common than not, but let's talk straight. It comes more naturally to women to connect emotional feelings with sex; it often comes more naturally to men to separate them. Neither is wrong, yet we spend inordinate time in a battle of these two principles. Men know deep in their bones - and other bits - that there is nothing better than just...sex. The sheer physical rush of high energy. What Eastern teachings call prana or chi in its very yang phase. Potent, animal and clean. If they are honest, men often find that 'feelings' lessen their sex drive; dwelling on kindness, gentleness, consideration may be very attractive to a female partner but - ironically - lessens the libido. Women know deep down the other side of this. Yet often there's no easy synthesis; what works for one doesn't work for the other.
Yes, men can be 'trained out of' their instincts, and who can blame women for thinking they have a duty to 'train' and 'civilise' the hairy brutes they share a world with! But, ladies - don't be surprised if something vital has gone from your man - and your sex life - if you succeed. I have known too many women that tamed and broke in a man, only to find they were bored! On the other hand, men soon discover that if they take the time to develop emotional honesty, it can only be good for their sex life...in part. To be right, you don't need to make the other person wrong. Both sexes - try not suppressing your partner. Yes, it's uncomfortable.
One of the funniest manifestations of the different wiring of the sexes is the well known fact that a supposedly unattractive man who gets on stage with a musical instrument and some confidence; or does anything unusually well; or attains power, suddenly becomes a fully fledged sex symbol. Yet when I see a beautiful woman lecturing about philosophy, the last thing I start thinking about is sex - I want to talk poststructuralism and Neo-Kantian philosophy with her!
It is one of the hilarious ironies - one of Mother Nature's little jokes - that the gender's sexual biases pull in opposite directions. There is a deep secret here: enter into it.
Well if you're still with me, you may be thinking - he's generalising massively! And shouldn't we just acknowledge the ladies got it right, as elsewhere? But Philalethes has a secret to share: it is really important for the long term happiness of a relationship, for sex and friendship, that the male perspective gets a look in. Why? I shall tell you...
If you get stuck in a rut, if you wait to make any change until your 'emotions' feel just right, you will be waiting a long time. You'll be locked in the stale pattern of your self-repeating psychodramas. Sometimes you just need to do it. Unspoken emotions can close down a couple's sex life. We have to get beyond this pseudo-Christian and basically Victorian idea that only when people are feeling 'loving' should they couple. Yes uncaring sex can be impersonal or at worst brutal. But unsentimental, vital sex can blow away a lot of those niggly little emotions. Go on - try it without trying to control it. And of course, joking aside, this isn't just true of sex but of the human social personality - which is why people use sex to break out of their rigid personalities. Those who cannot balance their instincts with their personalities are bound to have affairs or be serial monogamists...
There are many reasons why gender politics and sex are thorny issues in today's world. But I'd like to share the metaphysical basis. As many are becoming aware, the earlier phases of society were Matriarchal or at least thought of the Goddess as at least as important as the God. This was a biased view and characterisic of times when humans were closer to the animal state, lived more vitally in their bodies and in tune with nature. Ironically stereotypical male sexuality preserves more of the Matriarchal state than the stereotypical female equivalent. Then came the Patriarchal ages that emphasised reason and abstraction. These were also biased and created an artificial separation from the nature humans were moving away from. In this more mental age, stereotypical female sexuality is more culturally appropriate - hence the deeply ironic fact that Christianity is in many was the most effeminate and female friendly religion in recorded history, despite its misogynistic tendencies.
Crowleyites might say, after the ages of Isis and Osiris (Patriarchy and Matriarchy, approximately) must come the age of Horus. Yes, but really this should be bi-sexual. It is very obvious that women have been quicker on the uptake in grasping this, partly perhaps because women often understand bisexuality better than men who are generally frightened by it. Yet this will be scuppered if we try to return to a Matriarchy. All New Age cliches that say women=good, intuitive, sensitive, spiritual and man=bad, rational, insensitive, material are wrong and pernicious. Sugar and spice vs slugs and snails - nonsense and all ultimately deriving from the girly loser Jesus that Sunday schools taught us, a travesty of the Word made Flesh.
EMOTIONS AND SPIRITUALITY ARE NOT THE SAME THING. For Millennia, women express emotion and men express outward energy (prana) more, one expression of which is intellectuality. Neither reason nor emotions are Spirit. Spirit is bisexual.
Until men and women balance their yang and yin within themselves and then with their partners and wider society, the Spirit cannot function in reality.
Our way is the way of fire.
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